What Not to Say When You're Co-Worker is Pregnant

Last year I worked with several women who were pregnant. It was fun to attend baby showers and marvel at the latest baby gear on the market since my birthin' babies days are over. It wasn't that long ago (seven years this fall) that I announced my own pregnancy to my boss and then to my office. The real kicker, besides my growing baby girl, was that I'd only been at my company five months when I got pregnant and not many people knew me very well.

I'm all for small talk around the water cooler, but some people seem to crank up the awkwardness when it comes to addressing pregnant women at work.

Here are some of the more awkward comments/questions I received from co-workers while I was pregnant with my first daughter:

"Are you happy?"

"Were you trying?"

"Are you married?"

"Oh, you think you're feet are swollen now, wait until June!"

Obviously I would advise the best route to take when someone you don't know very well announces their pregnancy at work or elsewhere is keeping remarks limited to a simple, "Congratulations!" Another safe question is, "When is your baby due?" Generally any well-meaning comments concerning the details of baby making and the mother's increasing girth are off limits. Everyone has their own internal TMI meter, and while some people are more than happy to fill you in on the state of their cervix, others would rather keep those anatomical details to themselves. Now that I'm a mother, I'll admit that pregnancy talk doesn't bother me at all, but I remember being single and in my 20s and absolutely being freaked out by a co-worker who was telling her labor and delivery story at the office. I believe the exact words that sent me over the edge were "mucous plug."

So have you ever had a co-worker make awkward comments about your pregnancy? Are there certain topics related to pregnancy that should not be discussed at work?

Comments

[S.B.]

I totally agree. My husband and I were 25 when we planned to have our daughter. I hated that people asked me "Was this an accident?" It was pretty awkward - especially since anyone who knows me knows I am super organized and a total planner.

I liked your advice about keeping it simple.

[Preschool Mom Catherine]

I told my (young, male, annoying) boss that I had to have an amnio. His response was "not today, I hope." Because, you know, that wouldn't be convenient for him.

[Uncommon Blonde]

From a twenty-something that has no kiddos yet I appreciate your warning to others about sharing TMI. I too have been the victim of a mucous plug story and it did freak me out a bit!

[Michele]

A couple of weeks before my first was born. I literally was wearing slippers to work because I was so swollen. Diabetes made me retain a lot of water. Anyway, this coworker saw me, "OH.MY.GOD. You're as big as a whale." I nearly cried and smacked her. I kept my cool, but it hurt.

[Holly Schwendiman]

A well written and direct post Jamie! The entire social world would do well to remember the individual nature of "TMI meters".

Hugs,
Holly

[Jenni]

I'm always astounded at how many people ask me, "was this planned?" Depending on the person, I'll usually answer something like, "You do realize you're asking me if I'm intelligent enough to understand my own reproductive system, right?" That usually shuts them up.

[W]

My wife recently had twins. When we told people she was carring twins, a goodly number of random strangers asked if they were natural or if we had some sort of fertility treatment.

[Jennilu]

About 3 months after the birth of my cousin's second child she was still carrying a little (ok, a lot) of her baby weight. She was out one day with the newborn in tow and was approached by a woman wanting to look at the baby; ask if it's a boy or girl; and coo a little bit. Then the woman looked at my cousin and asked her when she was due to deliver her next child. OMG - that lady was lucky my cousin is so nice!

[Jamie]

W:

Your comment actually made me remember a comment made to me toward the end of my first pregnancy. I gained about 42 pounds and I am barely 5 ft. 2 so I was huge. Any way, I was waddling down the hall one day and a guy who worked in the office next to mine asked me if I was having TWINS!

Talk about a social faux pas! ;)

[Nikki]

Great post! I'm pregnant right now I'm surprised almost every day at the comments I've been getting (especially from the men at work). If I hear "wow, you look really pregnant today" I might scream. Or "I thought you were due much sooner than that". And my personal favorite "you're not nearly as huge as my girlfriend said you look". I know they intend well and are just acknowledging the obvious but it is sooo inappropriate!

[anne]

I had a male co-worker (who I didn't know very well) ask me how my amniotic fluid levels were doing. He was dead serious and I had no idea how to respond other than "um, fine?"

[Steph]

by the time I was pregnant with my seventh child, I had heard every comment in the book! my fvorite was when people would ask if we were mormon (we're not) or catholic (we're christian)...finally I just started saying " no, we just REALLY like to have sex!"

[Jamie]

Steph:

That's a GOOD one! ;)

[Linda]

My friends and co-workers all made the same mistake.... they told me

".... but you're 19!"

Like I didn't know that.. like I'd been celebrating two birthdays a year for the past 18 years or something.. *lol*

How better to say you don't approve than SUCH a comment!

[Sara]

Sweet Lord I love this post! I'm pregnant with my first child right now. I'm just starting my second tri-mester and I'm definitely starting to show. It's at that awkward stage now where people look at you and think is she fat or just pregnant? I gained 10 pounds within the first 4 weeks of my pregnancy and that was very hard for me. People feel it necessary to make a comment on how much weight you are supposed to gain and so on. I work with a nutritionist who even had the audacity to come to me with a weight chart of how much a pregnant woman is supposed to gain over the months. Her direct comment was: "Well, I have three charts, one for underweight women, one for average, and one for obese. We know your not underweight, so here's the obese, and I guess I could give you normal." What a beast! This was in the first week of me knowing that I am pregnant and I wanted to kill her. Also, another tip for the readers, don't touch the belly!! I don't care if you are great friends or just met the person... NO TOUCHY! Also, women, don't share your stories of how you only started showing when you were 6 months along. That just makes the rest of us feel like heffers. Thanks for the great post!

[Jamie]

Ya'll seriously rock with the comments. I think I had shut most of these awkward pregnancy moments from hell from my mind! ;)